The Sickle Cell Disease Forum

[thycknessny]

I don't know if anyone remembers me, it has been a since I've written on here. Just to reaquaint myself, I am 24 years old and married to a scd 24 year old male. This november will make it four years since we've been married. Well anyway, we moved from NY to Maryland two weeks ago and he got sick this past Friday. I'm sitting next to him now while he's drugged up falling asleep but feeling much better. The hospital is actually closer to us then when we lived in brooklyn and they treat him much better here (the er staff is prodominantly white and seemed very excited to deal w/ a scd patient lol) which is better for him I guess. The thing is, he got sick after we made love. This is the fourth time this has happened, he's wondering if we should stop making love all together (he'll change his mind once sober). But now I'll bw afraid to make love to him? Does anyone else deal with this situation? Btw I'm writing this on his sidekick so if I don't respond its because I'm with him here.

[MrsTayla]

Hello thycknessny,

I do remember you, and it's great to see you back on the forum,
I am sorry to hear about your husband, but I know there are some
guys here that can give you some advice on this, so I hope they
reply.

I sent you a pm so be sure to check it out.

Have a blessed day,

MrsTayla

[thycknessny]

Thanks for the reply mrs. Tayla. Well it's 6 hours later and still in the hospital. Trying to keep a convo going with hubby but that dilaudid is overpowering him. Good thing we paid for some tv. He tried to eat earlier but has no appetitie. I have a question.... what's the oldest known age of someone with scd?

[Mamoo]

Hi thycknessny,

I'm sorry to hear your husband's in the hospital . It has to be hard for you to deal with but being you....there you are right by his side...lucky him!

Haven't ever heard of what you're dealing with just prior to him becoming sick but it doesn't mean it isn't possible. With having just moved 2 weeks before you both have to be under a lot of stress, More than likely it may be a coincidence...have you thought about talking to his doctor about it? Don't be embarrassed...it's a fact of life and after all he is a doctor!

I remember when you posted before about him having problems being able to work/hold his job...how has that been lately? Having moved to Maryland (where it's also cold) it'll be time to set up some type of plan to get ready for winter. Also were you aware that is where the National Sickle Cell headquarters are and the national convention was last week? Any type of good treatment is WONDERFUL and just the news we all like to hear! Did they admit him are they just "observing" him for a few hours?

[Cromartie]

Okay, I'll be honest; sex can be strenuous on the body. Though I would assume it's none of my business if I might make some small suggestions...

1. Work up to it:

Though sudden passion is really wonderful it'll tire almost anyone out; that's especially true of someone who has a disposition to be tired. So, if you will, treat him "like a woman" and really warm up the situation. The slower the transition the more likely his body can take it; that can mean actually scheduling sex seeing as if he expects it versus it just "coming about" it'll steadily increase his senses rather than the sudden heart-pounding jump.

Now, mind you, sex could just trigger anyway, but making it less likely is definitely the way to go.

2. Slow and Steady Wins the Race:

During the act people often love sudden switching into various positions. nothing's wrong with that, and it's all fine and good, but if you slowly transfer out of one position and slowly into another you will have a much better chance of not developing symptoms than if you do a quick fix super roll-a-round. On a serious note however working up speed rather than moving extremely fast can have multiple positive effects, one being less energy expended, another being less stress on the body from sudden nerve stimulation, and over all I hear it feels great.

3. Cool Down:

Sex is a workout, so take time to hydrate him, as I said slow him down, so don't just "stop" falling over "exhausted"; it's hot in the movies but in real life it's actually much more intimate anyway to calm eachother down. How to do that is up to you, but make sure it's not a sudden drop; the cliffs of life are what hurt SCA patients the most; shock isn't the way to go.

4. Be mindful:

As much as everyone has their own needs you must be mindful of him; if it were a female i'd say "stop when there is pain" and in a male it's the same thing. Priapism is a nasty monster of a condition; if he even winces be sure to ask. He might be a little embarrased, but unless he enjoys the possibility of having to get a needle in the side of his genitals, or even just sitting around in atrocious pain for up to 4 hours ( before medical aid is necessary ) I'd recommend you let him rest.

Better to enjoy sex tomorrow than ruin sex today; priapism not just "can" but "will" damage the penis over time, so explain that to him or he'll be surprised when he just won't be able to attain an erection. Pain in other parts of his body are important to note to, and can be reacted to based on level; for isntance if he has a little trouble breathing you don't have to stop, but slow down, let his body recover, then continue; if he's the one making more movement and gets tired, switch to where you are in control.

----

As gross as this all sounds ( by far have I no intention of being a columist on this subject ) and I apologize to anyone offended I would think this information might be helpful. Of course it's based on personal experience -_-; but I would think it's still sensible and viable. If you do all of this and he still sickles ( warm baths before etc, slow working up, the workout itself, and then a cool down ) sometimes it's just that way. It depends on how often, but communication is key.

Always take it into consideration if you see signs of his being exhausted and whatnot; if you do then do not, I repeat, not, say "no" without an explanation. Either introduce it slowly with a relaxing atmosphere for a while to keep it all steady and make the increase or explain yourself, honestly, and attempt to work with him.

His health, and yours, intertwine; now that's true love.

- BC

-_-; This is the disclaimer saying "Don't listen to me".